‘How you can possibly hope to conquer the Earth?’ Lady Grantley asked incredulously. ‘You'd be up against the British army and navy, the finest mankind has to offer. You wouldn't last a week!’
Tarquon rounded on her. ‘I think, my dear woman, that even your bravest soldiers will cower in fear once they see the types of weapons we have at our disposal. Believe me, the cleansing cannon is among the deadliest devices in this universe or any other.’
‘What exactly does it, er, do?’ Woodville asked squeamishly.
‘It can destroy an entire house full of people more easily than you can crush an insect,’ Tarquon replied. Woodville face began to turn white.
‘Listen to me,’ the Doctor said. ‘I know you think you're superior because of how “clean” you are and how “dirty” everyone else is.’
‘Please, sir,’ Frapo interrupted. ‘Do not say that word! It makes the men uncomfortable.’ He indicated the crewmembers. The Doctor could not see their faces through the HAZMAT suits so he continued.
‘But that doesn't give you the right to go around slaughtering people. I don't know how many worlds you've destroyed, how many have suffered at your hands but just this once, please listen to reason. Earth is no threat to you. They have yet to invent the atom bomb. You might even say they're in the nursery compared to you. If you let us go now, you will never hear from us again. I swear to it on fish fingers and custard or, er, whatever your people would swear on.’ He smiled nervously.
Tarquon thought for a moment. ‘You say Earth is still in the nursery compared to us,’ he said. The Doctor nodded. ‘In that case, it must be among the filthiest planets we've ever come across. One that's long overdue for a cleaning. Computer, is the advance guard ready?’
‘The advance guard is armed and prepared to enter the holding area, Admiral,’ the computer voice said.
‘Excellent,’ Tarquon said. ‘Viewscreen, on.’ He turned to the Doctor. ‘Now you'll see exactly what we're capable of.’ The viewscreen showed the room they had first entered as well as Lady Grantley's parlor beyond it.
‘Doctor, we must do something,’ Vastra whispered.
‘I know,’ he whispered back. ‘I just wish I knew what that was.’
‘Men, the time has come to perform the most sacred of tasks,’ Tarquon said, addressing the viewscreen. ‘I wish you luck in your endeavor and look forward to congratulating you upon your return.’ He sat back in his chair as roughly two dozen HAZMAT-wearing crewmembers appeared on the screen. They were armed with what appeared to be bazooka-type weapons and marched in lockstep towards the portal. The Doctor hung his head in despair but was soon startled by a tap on the shoulder.
‘Doctor!’ Jenny said. ‘Look!’ She pointed excitedly at the viewscreen. The advance guard had made it through the portal but now the Doctor saw that something had gone wrong. The men were clutching their chests, apparently choking to death. After about a minute of this, they all collapsed and their HAZMAT suits deflated. Tarquon leapt up from his chair.
‘What happened?’ he shouted.
‘Apparently, they couldn't handle the atmosphere of 1889 London,’ the Doctor explained. ‘The height of the Industrial Revolution. It was simply too dirty for them. Their bodies were so accustomed to a squeaky clean environment that they simply evaporated.’
‘All that despite being inside my mansion,’ Lady Grantley said. ‘Perkins, when was the last time you dusted?’
‘Well, my lady,’ Perkins replied, ‘dusting is at best an imperfect science-‘
‘Enough!’ Tarquon screamed. ‘I'll have no more of your insufferable prattle! I need to reassess the situation.’ He paced back and forth for a bit, lost in thought. ‘Now, the atmosphere of your planet has clearly proven deadly to my men. And the door to the holding area is still open. Which means that-‘ He stopped pacing. ‘Computer, seal the holding area.’
‘The holding area is now sealed,’ the computer voice said.
‘Computer, has there been any contamination of my ship from exposure to the other universe?’
‘The amount of dust particles in the air has increased by roughly five percent,’ the computer voice replied. Upon hearing this, all the crew members in the command center abandoned their stations and ran out the door.
‘Where are they going?’ the Doctor asked.
‘To the escape pods,’ Tarquon replied. ‘The ship's atmosphere has been compromised. There's only one thing left to do. Computer, I hereby authorise the self-destruct countdown.’
'Authorisation confirmed,’ the computer voice said. ‘This vessel will self-destruct in five minutes.’ Woodville collapsed. Lady Grantley and Perkins looked terrified. Vastra and Jenny held each other while the Doctor pounded on the force field in anger.
‘That won't do you any good,’ Tarquon said with a grin. ‘You're the ones responsible for destroying my ship so you may as well go down with it. I'm off to the one remaining escape pod. Farewell.’ As he walked past them towards the door, Frapo bowed respectfully.
‘What about your servant?’ Vastra asked. ‘Surely you're not leaving him to die?’
‘He's utterly worthless,’ Tarquon replied. ‘Always has been. I won't miss him.’ He then left the room without a second glance.
‘All right, come on, everyone,’ the Doctor said. ‘If we put our heads together, we must be able to think of something. Er, ok, we're inside a force field. There has to be a way of disabling it from the inside. Of course, that could take up to an hour and we only have-‘
‘Four minutes to self-destruct,’ the computer voice chimed in.
‘Right, thank you,’ the Doctor said through gritted teeth. ‘Come on! Come on! Think! THINK!’
‘Frapo!’ Jenny shouted.
‘Yes?’ Frapo said sheepishly.
‘Your master has abandoned you,’ Jenny said. ‘He's left you for dead."
‘That is true,’ Frapo replied. ‘But I'm afraid it is the way of things. I must obey him at all times without question.’
‘But you don't have to obey him anymore. For once in your life, you can think for yourself! Listen, I know what it's like to be ordered around. I know how it feels to be unappreciated by your superiors.’ Vastra gave Jenny a perplexed look. ‘In a sense, you and I are kindred spirits. So please, let us go. You'll be doing a good deed.’
‘A good deed?’ Frapo repeated. ‘I never thought I'd be asked to perform one of those.’ He hesitated.
‘I'll always remember you fondly if you do this,’ Jenny said.
‘Very well, then,’ Frapo said. He pressed the large button on the wall, releasing them from the force field. Vastra wasted no time in paralysing him with her tongue. The Doctor quickly retrieved the sonic screwdriver.
‘Good one, Jenny,’ he said. ‘Now let's get out of here.’
‘Can't we take him with us?’ Jenny asked, indicating Frapo.
‘Yes, but it wouldn't do him any good,’ the Doctor replied. ‘You saw what happened to the advance guard. He wouldn't last-‘
‘Three minutes to self-destruct,’ the computer voice chimed in.
‘I really need to stop doing that,’ the Doctor said. ‘Come on! Time to run!’
‘How can we leave the ship if Tarquon has the last escape pod?’ Vastra asked.
‘We don't need the escape pod,’ the Doctor explained. ‘We have to make our way back to the portal. It's our only chance.’ They all ran down the corridor until they reached the door to the holding area. The Doctor attempted to use the sonic screwdriver but then noticed the control panel to the right of the door. ‘It looks like a code is required to get in,’ he said.
‘Two minutes to self-destruct,’ the computer voice reminded them.
‘Doctor!’ a voice from the other end of the corridor shouted. It was Tarquon. He was just on the verge of entering his escape pod. ‘You may have escaped my force field but you'll never get through that door!’
‘Actually, we will,’ the Doctor said cheekily. ‘All I have to do is disable the control panel with the sonic screwdriver. Like so.’ He pointed the screwdriver at the control panel, which promptly shut down. The door began to open. Tarquon became enraged. He ran at full speed towards the Doctor but Perkins knocked him out with a punch to the face.
‘I didn't know you had it in you, Perkins,’ the Doctor said, patting him on the back.
‘I do, sir. Besides, he showed no respect for Lady Grantley,’ Perkins explained. ‘I had to defend her honor.’
‘One minute to self-destruct,’ the computer voice said. The door was opening far too slowly for comfort.
‘We'll have to crawl underneath it,’ the Doctor said. ‘Quickly!’
‘Thirty seconds.’ They all got on their hands and knees and crawled into the holding area. ‘Twenty seconds.’
‘Now is definitely the time to run,’ the Doctor said as he got to his feet. The others followed his lead.
‘Ten seconds.’
‘Come on! We're almost there!’
‘Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…’
~~~
They jumped through the portal just as the countdown finished. A massive explosion shook the parlor. This was soon followed by a strong suction that threatened to pull them back to the other side.
‘It's the vacuum of space!’ shouted the Doctor, clinging to the mantelpiece. ‘The ship's gone and now we're all going to be sucked out unless someone turns off that Revealer device!’
‘Do it, Perkins!’ Lady Grantley yelled. Perkins reached for the Revealer and managed to flip the switch, finally closing the portal.
‘Well,’ the Doctor said, catching his breath, ‘that's that then. I see the empty HAZMAT suits and cleansing cannons were sucked out, along with some of your precious artwork, Lady Grantley.’
‘Never mind that now!’ she said. ‘Perkins, destroy that thing before it does any more damage.’ Woodville was about to protest but Perkins pushed him aside.
‘Of course, my lady,’ he said and picking up the Revealer he threw it into the fireplace.
‘So that's why your people never heard of the Universal Revealer,’ Woodville said to the Doctor as he watched his life's work go up in flames. ‘It could have changed the world.’ When he saw the look on everyone's face, he began to slowly back away. ‘I should never have entrusted my discovery with people like you. Next time, I'll take my invention directly to the Queen!’ He bolted for the door and made it out just before Vastra's tongue could reach him.
‘Damn!’ she said. ‘I would've liked to have taught him a lesson.’
‘That's the last time I trust a scientist,’ Lady Grantley said. ‘Doctor, I suppose I should thank you for saving our lives back there.’
‘Oh, but Lady Grantley,’ the Doctor said, ‘Don't forget that it was Jenny who got us out of the force field. You know what they say. Everybody ought to have a maid.’ Jenny blushed.
‘Yes,’ Lady Grantley said. ‘Having a servant does come in handy every once in a while.’
‘I trust this whole unpleasantness will be our little secret?’ the Doctor asked.
‘Of course,’ Lady Grantley replied. ‘No one would believe me if I told them.’ She looked at the portrait of her husband again. ‘Except perhaps dear old Leopold,’ she said sadly.
‘Good. I guess we'll be off then,’ the Doctor said. ‘It was lovely to meet you, Lady Grantley. Maybe we'll meet again on a quieter occasion.’
Perkins saw them to the door. ‘I'm sorry if your evening was less than enjoyable,’ he said.
‘Dear me. There is too much excitement in this house.’
Once the TARDIS had arrived safely back at 13 Paternoster Row, the Doctor stayed behind for a few minutes to bid Vastra and Jenny farewell.
‘So, we got our adventure after all,’ he said with a smile. ‘All in a day's work.’
‘Indeed, Doctor,’ Vastra said. ‘Until the next time?’
‘You bet,’ he replied. ‘Perhaps I'll see you at Trenzalore. Then again, maybe I already have.’ He winked and stepped back inside the TARDIS. Vastra and Jenny looked at each other, shrugged and watched as the blue police box dematerialised.
‘Jenny,’ Vastra said, turning back to her companion.
‘Yes, ma'am?’ Jenny asked.
‘I was thinking about what you said to Frapo. About how you know what it's like to be ordered around.’ She advanced on Jenny in a way that made Jenny uncomfortable.
‘Yes?’ Jenny said, backing away from the Silurian.
‘About how you know what it feels like to be unappreciated by your superiors.’
‘Yes, well…’ Jenny could smell Vastra's breath now.
‘Well, you know something?’
‘What?’
‘All that running down corridors has made me very hungry…’ She bared
her teeth. Jenny closed her eyes and held her hands in front of her
face.
‘P-please m-ma'am. I- I didn't mean-‘
‘So why I don't I make us a little midnight snack? What do you say?’ Jenny opened her eyes, lowered her hands and saw that Vastra was smiling. She breathed a sigh of relief.
‘I would love that,’ she said.
‘Then I'll get right on it,’ Vastra said and headed for the kitchen.
‘Just a word of advice,’ Jenny called after her, ‘You might want to wash your hands first.’
written by
‘P-please m-ma'am. I- I didn't mean-‘
‘So why I don't I make us a little midnight snack? What do you say?’ Jenny opened her eyes, lowered her hands and saw that Vastra was smiling. She breathed a sigh of relief.
‘I would love that,’ she said.
‘Then I'll get right on it,’ Vastra said and headed for the kitchen.
‘Just a word of advice,’ Jenny called after her, ‘You might want to wash your hands first.’
written by
THOMAS AHEARN
copyright 2012
artwork by
copyright 2012
artwork by
COLIN JOHN
copyright 2012
copyright 2012